Preparing your son or daughter for college…

For a variety of reasons, talking about alcohol can be difficult. I spoke to a parent who gave an interesting analogy. She said that talking to her son about alcohol was like talking to him about sex – only more difficult. As with so many difficult parenting issues, ongoing communication is of utmost importance. Yes, discussions about alcohol can be difficult yet, they are obviously necessary.

It is never too early and it is never too late to discuss alcohol with your son/daughter. Rather than having “the talk,” it is better that discussions be ongoing, when appropriate. Continued use of teachable moments is optimal. Television shows, newspaper articles or local alcohol-related events provide excellent opportunities for discussion. It is during these talks that you can provide instruction as well as reveal your feelings about drinking. Being a good listener will provide an opportunity for you to gain greater insights into your son/daughter’s feelings about drinking as well. Discussions about participation in other activities can also be helpful. This can help keep a conversation in a more positive light.

Actions DO speak louder than words. Consider the role alcohol plays in your own home, if any. Students first learn about alcohol in the home. Is beer stockpiled in the garage? Is there a “happy hour” at home? How is alcohol used then? Is alcohol used to celebrate or when stressed? Is there a heavily stocked liquor cabinet or bar in the house? This is not to suggest that a problem exists. However, reviewing these and other factors in the home can influence student choices. Perhaps as important, if not more so, is your own actions must be consistent with what you expect from your son/daughter. Young adults are sophisticated enough to recognize inconsistencies and will act accordingly. For instance, it is difficult for a parent to maintain credibility when telling a college student not to drink because she is underage while that parent continues to smoke marijuana.

Stories in the media, television shows and movies often misrepresent the reality of campus life. Based on this misrepresentation, it would be easy to assume that most students are heavy drinkers putting their lives at risk every week. The reality is however, that most students either don’t drink or if they do drink, they consume at a low risk level. There is a high profile minority of students that seems to grab the headlines. I do not mean to negate the seriousness of the traumas that we hear and read about, but these tragedies, although frightening for many, are not the norm. It is critical that you, and your daughter/son understand that high risk drinking is not an expectation. Most students are in a high risk drinking environment yet most continue to make healthy choices. Discussions about dealing with negative peer pressure can be helpful. Prior to departure for the campus, researching activities that do not involve drinking available on the campus and in the community could be a fun project to share with your daughter/son.

Often the question arises about whether or not a parent should reveal his/her own drinking behaviors while in college. As with most issues surrounding alcohol, there is no clear-cut answer. I believe in complete honesty. There is no need to get into specific details, but letting your son/daughter know that you engaged in risky behavior may be effective. Glamorizing past events can be harmful so be careful about the messages you are sending. Letting them know the consequences of previous heavy drinking may be difficult but could be a critical message. This could become one of the most meaningful conversations you have with them. If you do not drink and did not drink in college, let them know. Also, let them know why. A family history of addiction can be a powerful reason for abstinence or limited drinking. Although a family history of addiction is a topic often avoided, perhaps now is the time for that discussion.

While your son or daughter is in college…

College is a place where students begin taking responsibility for their own actions. They face many challenges including choices about alcohol consumption. You are no longer in a position of taking responsibility FOR your son/daughter’s choices. However, you can be responsible TO them. Making it clear that college will be a time for academic and personal growth is of utmost importance. Setting clear expectations about the following is one way of doing this:

• Attendance in class
• Financial concerns and potential job responsibilities
• Ongoing communication (phone calls, letters, e-mails)
• Drinking and driving
• Time for socializing

A student’s first semester on campus is critical. Ongoing communication during that time can be extremely helpful. However, be careful. There is a fine line between showing care and “nagging.” Conversations about a variety of topics can help you get a sense of how your daughter or son is doing. Here are a few non-confrontational questions that may help:
• How are classes going? How is the workload?
• What’s it like living in the residence hall? How’s your roommate?
• What’s the social scene like? Are you making friends?
• Have you gotten involved in any campus activities?
Encourage participation in volunteer services as a means of meeting new friends.

If your son/daughter is involved in an alcohol violation, treat it as an opportunity. Most campus judicial systems well sanction students for violations of campus alcohol policy. Explore different ways that this may provide an opportunity for deeper, more meaningful discussions about alcohol. Initially, it may be best that you have minimal input while allowing campus officials or police deal with the violation. However, there may come a time when you will need to step into the process. How, when and what this will look like should be discussed before a student leaves for college.

Biennial Review

The United States Department of Education Drug Free Schools and Communities Act requires every college and university to conduct a biennial review of campus alcohol and other drug education and abuse prevention efforts. When visiting a potential campus, request to see copies of the last two Biennial Reviews from the Admissions representative. These reports can give you a sense of the alcohol and other drug climate on that campus and the efforts being conducted to address problematic areas.

If the Admissions representative does not know what you are talking about or cannot provide it for you, then request it directly from the Vice President for Student Affairs or the Dean of Students. Campuses are required by law to provide these documents for you. If a campus cannot provide this for you, their education and abuse prevention efforts are certainly questionable. As a matter of fact they may even be in direct violation of Congressional requirements.

Campus Visit

When reading the Biennial Review check for the factors listed below. When visiting, ask the Admissions representative these questions. Better yet and perhaps even more important, ask current students, faculty, security officers or recent graduates the same questions.

- Is there an individual staff member whose job is dedicated to the alcohol and other drug education and abuse prevention efforts? The most effective prevention specialists have positions that are dedicated to just alcohol and other drug education and abuse prevention. On many campuses the alcohol and other drug programming is assigned to a Health Educator or Wellness Coordinator. Although this indicates a concern by the administrators about these issues, the variety of tasks (nutrition, smoking, STDs, etc.) and heavy workload will probably render that staff member much less effective.

- Does the staff member have a high profile on the campus? Effective prevention programs have one thing in common, strong administrative support. The President and Vice Presidents must provide support from their own office as well as high visibility for the people involved in prevention work. Positioning the prevention specialist in the Vice President’s office or the Dean’s office makes that person much more visible and probably much more effective. If s/he is buried in Residence Life or Health Services there are more layers this staff member needs to penetrate making her/him potentially less effective.

- Does the campus conduct ongoing research to measure the effectiveness of abuse prevention programming? The Core Survey and the Harvard Alcohol Study are two examples of research tools used to measure problem areas. The results may be included in the Biennial Review. Request to see a copy of the Executive summary of the latest research conducted on the campus. If possible compare the campus with national results. Ask representatives how the data compares to national data. If the campus does not conduct research, then its prevention efforts, if any, may not be very effective.

- Is there an annual budget allocated specifically for these efforts? Ask a variety of students if they are aware of the prevention efforts conducted on the campus. If they are not aware of any program then perhaps the administration is not providing enough financial support and/or the program strategy is not effective.

- Is athletics supported by the alcohol industry? How much funding for alcohol free events does the college provide? The answers to these questions can provide an insight as to whether or not the college is consistent in addressing the alcohol issues on the campus. Many campuses serious about confronting alcohol issues have chosen to minimize if not totally eradicate support from the alcohol industry.

- Is there a Social Norms Prevention program? Research indicates that despite all the hype in the media about college binge drinking, the fact of the matter is that most college students either don’t drink or if they do drink, they do so at a low risk level. One prevention strategy employed by many campuses is a Social Norms Prevention program which highlights this reality. I am not suggesting that a campus that does not have this type of program is somehow negligent or lacking, however I am suggesting the presence of a Social Norms campaign indicates a level of sophistication in addressing these issues. However, again, there are many campuses conducting other types of programs that could be just as effective, if not even more effective.

- What is the campus Alcohol and Other Drug Policy? What are the rules for Residence Halls? What are the consequences for violations? Is there parental notification when a Policy violation occurs? At what level of violation will a student be ejected from housing? The establishment of policies and the level of enforcement vary dramatically from campus to campus. With regard to enforcement, I believe in a three strikes and you’re out policy. For instance, the first violation staying local, within the campus, perhaps resulting in some type of effective educational sanction. The second violation results in parental notification combined with some type of counseling. The third violation results in some type of suspension. Campuses that are inconsistent in enforcement or simply too lenient, in allowing a student to continue to experience problems due to drinking will simply be enabling that student to continue on a destructive path.

- Are there alcohol free residence halls? What are the rules in the hall? How are students selected for residence? Based on the age of most college students, you might expect that most, if not all residence halls are alcohol free. This is not the case on most campuses. Often students of legal drinking age are mixed with underage students. With this in mind, many campuses allow students to have limited amounts of alcohol in their rooms. However, progressive campuses offer students wellness oriented residence halls. These halls may be simply alcohol free while others may be substance free prohibiting, the use of nicotine and other drugs as well. Be aware though that some well-meaning parents have their students assigned to these halls. This is a recipe for disaster!

- Is there a Counseling Department? Is there a certified Alcohol and Other Drug Counselor? Inquire about the counseling services available for students both on campus and off campus. If your son/daughter is in recovery, ask about support programs for him/her.

- Are there Friday classes? Do faculty conduct tests on Fridays? What is the attendance like in Friday classes? It would be best to ask students and faculty these three questions. Regardless of the reality, most administrators are more than likely to give positive answers, possibly misrepresenting the campus culture.

- Are there fraternities and sororities (Greek Life) on the campus? If so, are they local organizations or chapters from a national organization? Greek Life can provide wonderful opportunities for camaraderie, community service, leadership development, academic support and socialization. They can also provide a high risk environment when it comes to alcohol and other drugs. Ask administrators AND students about the role of Greek Life on the campus. National chapters tend to have stricter guidelines to follow when it comes to alcohol use.

When you ask the above questions, look for the following:

- Do you get stuttering or stammering or just blank stares?
- Are you getting vague answers? Some administrators have mastered the wonderful skill of “talking out of both sides of their mouths.” Do administrators try to double talk there way around the issue? Answers like “it’s a problem on all campuses” or “we are no worse than any other campus” are not satisfactory.
- Ask different people the same question and check for consistency in the message the campus representatives are providing.

Campus Environment

When visiting the campus, look around. There may be many other clues about the drinking climate:
- What types of posters can be seen in the residence halls? Advertisements or educational?
- Are there bars in close proximity?
- Read the school paper. Are there ads for the local bars and/or liquor stores? Are there any alcohol or other drug related stories in the paper? Read a number of issues when available. Often you can view both current and previous issues of the campus newspaper online.